a little bit of summer, a little bit of spring

I am feeling nostalgic for my life a year ago. This is a a re-occurring issue. My state of mind, my level of excitement, confidence and inspiration for the future that I was embarking on then and am currently living now; not quite what I had in mind. Then, living on the outskirts of a different life; an imaginary life that i found so captivating and invigorating. A life that was raw and exciting. untouched, unknown. 

In ways I consider myself having the same psyche as Paul Gauguin; always wanting more; and ultimately he never found what he was looking for, and as I go through life I wonder If the same will become of me.

I remember days when it was just getting warm; the days were getting longer the hunger to be outside, the wild things. (On a side note I consider summer to bring out the most sinister people in all of us, as winter turns everyone into their own version of a hermit.)

note.

Its important for me to distance myself from the complexities of my own life that drive me to make art. Instead, I find it more effective to find parallels between those issues and things that are more gentile, prettier. Windows, nature, etc. 

what am i trying to do? (first draft of thesis)

In a very vague sense; I am interested in the relationships that people are involved in, and how they have changed/stayed the same with time/throughout history(*)

(*)I believe that my generation, tho seemingly more sexually/romantically open-minded, is jaded with relational delinquency as well as dissatisfaction. More people are just not satisfied, everyone has an issue with their romantic situation. So may people seem alone, and/or have no desire to share a future with another human being. This bothers me because of my own ideals (***)that have manifested through my own personal up-bringing.

(***)Ideals play a big role

Including but not limited to;

Relationships with family, with lovers, with friends (not so much the people themselves but rather the relationship one has with the  ideas/thoughts they associate with the person) 

More Specifically: Relationships with memories, with feelings, moments, 

Relationships with ones self and with one's sences.

(the things one tends to notice/remember)

I try to confront these issues by providing or in some cases merely implying  a multi-dimensional environment/setting or space which lends itself as a venue to sit back and just feel something. 

A setting for a narrative that the viewer can themselves, complete. 

I am hoping to let the viewer feel comfortable/vulnerable enough to focus not so much on what is in front of them (******) but rather  what is inside of them/ what it makes them think/feel

**** The visual aspect (what i am presenting the viewer with) would be atmospheric, ambient, having a certain fluidity that is meant to sooth and calm. 

More Specifically: imagery of windows(**)

**Windows;

For this project, I would like to  simmulate the enviroment of a room/bedroom. An architecturaly simlple/plain room, one that can be easily identified as.

Romanticized memories that are fuzzy and vague /accessible enough for the viewer to use it as a foundation from which to re-build their own story/memory off of.  

issues/questions I am asking myself:

I am interested in addressing the intent/process. I want to address the fact that I have spent time to re-make a memory, to place importance on re-making/ re-modeling of memories, the importance, if not just the dire need to remember things as a human being.

experience that is fabricated from the fragments of memories as I recall them.

considering that the memories are only my versions of a history of moments. 

current/previous work;

I beileve the ideas and intent are strong, yet become hindered by the carrying out/presentation of the work itself; which often times seems unfinished or not totally realized. This is an issue I am struggling with because I myself beileve I am finished, yet the viewers want more. I have to decided weather or not the idea of something being unfinished is a deliberate characteristic of the work; in which case  it needs to be investigated further and executed in a way that seems more intentional. 

My process as an artist begins with feeling and impulses. The ones that I choose to investigate are often connected to a memory that I try to re-create visually, often in a (photo)graphic manner

some observations

I get the feeling that in this life, people are often times un-fulfilled, more specifically in matters of love than anything else. Everybody around me including myself has a story and though they all differ, their is the one thing that is stringing them together - the painfully clear negative undertones of loss and discontent. Weather the person is unhappy in a relationship or unhappy alone, unhappily bouncing back and forth between lovers, or what have you - there is always something. In fact it is so common that I feel that my generation is permanently tinted with relational dissatisfaction - a generation that seems jaded. Its so sad. 

once again...

i am wanting to ask my parents what I was like when I was a child. I am remembering the subtleties of a life that I am no longer surrounded by.  And It is those minute memories that haunt me rather than the big ones, as usual. The brisk saturday mornings in my father's car on the way to gymnastics practice. I did gymnastics? Now I cant even spell it. I was so bad at the high bars, I do remember that. We have photographs of my parents wedding day, and even those are enough to bring me to tears but I'm wondering about the everyday buzz of life and what it was like for them. The songs that made their hearts tender over and over, what they felt when they woke up in the morning when it was raining, how the felt about their parents and how they felt about death. My parents were so good looking in those photographs, they were so young and full of life, but there was something about them that I am still struggling to translate. Something that transcends youth, happiness, or anything else. The funny thing is ive felt more passionate about them and this than anyone else in life. 

Ephemeral Art, Eternal Idea

blueprint, instructions to bring forth an idea is the real enginuity

 to address-the parallels between art and technology, art and life, art progressing at the the same pace

the need for representation- prevailing only in idea

the power of the idea, the power of the visual?

idea being the most valuable, powerful part of the art

the studio- a place to reflect, realize ideas, then make them materialize

work that is site specific.

everyone tell their own story bit its a tale which at best will become someone elses story

observer completes the work of art- observer reacts in accordance to his own past experieces

sets